things fall apart

sometimes

life is good then

it becomes exciting

then good and then, well

the excitement

overwhelms you.

you're blind and ecstatic.

it's

great.

succumb to it.

you do. it feels

like nothing you've

ever felt.

it's great. it's

amazing then

great then it's

amazing.

but maybe there are

cracks you don't see.

maybe you are too busy

enjoying it

or maybe you've ignored them

and pretended they weren't there.

you've been taking things for

granted that are no longer there.

then you trip--

a butterfly beats its wings half

a world away and your world crumbles.

it is

terrible then

terrible

terrible.

and terrible

without reason

it doesn't come

with a reason.

It catches you

off-guard--maybe

you're sitting on the

toilet.

maybe it catches you

as you're dying from

sleepless cold-sweat

nightmares in bed.

maybe it catches you

when you've been

tired, depressed, burnt out.

now you're forced to

sever the tie, to do battle

and

to face the problem you've

been ignoring

in your underwear.

with a curtain-rod.

you are not prepared.

you've never done this before.

you're sad and

confused and

filled and

filled and

filled with regret.

and a guilt

a relentless,

inescapable

consciousness.

you wish you could

sacrifice yourself and

make it all go away--

but then you try and the

blade isn't positioned right

and you stop halfway through.

you've stabbed two

hearts in one

hopeless cut.

and so

you crack under the pressure--

the pieces are on the floor and try as

you may to put them together,

the glue is gone.

you weren't looking.

maybe it was your

subconscious that stole it.

it hurts

and it hurts more

and it hurts a lot.

you're trapped in the net,

and the more

you fear and struggle

the more it tears

away at you.

time is the answer.

she is the clock.

the anxiety kills.

so you cut--

you cut and

bandage and

doubt

and cut some more.

it takes three tries and by

time its done you've fucked up

so many times you

want to jump on

the blade yourself.

when you finally get a clean cut

you're in shock. it's over.

the healing begins

slowly, long after

after the pain has died--

you can still hear the crying

and it haunts you.

it takes time.

then it's

okay and

it hurts slowly,

slowly;

slowly.

slowly.

looking back

is dying a second death.

so you keep looking forward.

you've learned your lesson.

you've learned your lesson.

you've learned your fucking lesson.

be careful when you're holding

a girl's heart. drop it, and yours

might shatter too.

entropy,

sad state of the universe.

things fall apart,

and I wish I knew why.